PIP vs. RIP: Fix the Relationship First

There is a phrase I talk about often in my book, Married to the Job: Work is Not Job. It is A Relationship. People do not always leave jobs because they cannot do the work. Sometimes they are drowning silently in life outside of work and eventually that weight shows up in their performance.

As leaders, we are trained to recognize performance drops quickly. Missed deadlines. Increased absences. Lack of focus. Lower engagement. Changes in attitude. The automatic response in many organizations is to move toward a Performance Improvement Plan, commonly known as a PIP.

And sometimes that is absolutely necessary.

But what if the performance issue is not actually the root problem?

What if the employee is grieving?What if they are burned out?What if their marriage is falling apart?What if they are caring for a sick parent?What if anxiety, depression, stress, financial hardship, or emotional exhaustion has completely consumed them?

What if they are simply lost?

In my experience, many performance issues are actually relationship issues first.

Not always the relationship between employer and employee either. Sometimes the broken relationship is with:

• themselves

• their confidence

• their purpose

• a manager

• a co-worker

• their work-life boundaries

• or life itself

That is where I believe organizations need to start thinking differently.

Sometimes we need a RIP before a PIP. A Relationship Improvement Plan.

The goal of a PIP is performance improvement through training, retraining, accountability, tools, development, and coaching.

The goal of a RIP is to repair the human connection behind the performance decline.

Because when life starts winning, people can slowly lose themselves without even realizing it.

I know this because I lived it.

When my mom became sick and eventually passed away, I spiraled in ways I did not fully understand at the time. The mourning consumed me. I was not the best version of myself at home, at work, or in life. I knew something was wrong, but I did not know how to fix it. It felt like I was standing outside myself looking in.

I am a hard worker. I am dedicated. I love what I do.

But during that season, I did not recognize who I was becoming.

And honestly, that was one of the hardest parts.

It took uncomfortable conversations to find a new comfortable.

It took self-awareness. It took reflection. It took space. It took support. It took people willing to listen instead of immediately judge. It took rebuilding the relationship with myself.

That is emotional intelligence in action.

Emotional Intelligence is not just about understanding others. It is about recognizing behavior changes, emotional triggers, communication shifts, stress responses, and the human experiences sitting underneath performance.

Leaders who develop emotional intelligence stop asking: “What is wrong with this employee?”

And start asking: “What happened to this employee?”

That single shift changes everything.

Now, this does not mean accountability disappears. Performance still matters. Expectations still matter. Coaching still matters.

In many situations, a PIP and a RIP may work together beautifully.

An employee may still need:

• development

• coaching

• retraining

• clearer expectations

• accountability tools

• communication support

But when you focus on the relationship first, the results are often stronger and more sustainable because the employee no longer feels like they are fighting alone.

Sometimes helping someone looks like:

• having the hard conversation

• encouraging therapy or counseling

• offering time off

• providing flexibility

• creating psychological safety

• listening without immediately trying to “fix”

• offering mentorship

• providing emotional intelligence training

• simply giving someone space to breathe

There is no universal formula because people are not robots.

But there is one universal truth: people perform better when they feel seen, valued, heard, and supported.

Your employees are not your greatest expense. They are your greatest investment.

And if the relationship is worth saving, invest in the relationship first.

Because when employees feel like leadership is working with them instead of against them, something powerful happens.

They stop working for you. And they start working with you.

That is where trust grows. That is where loyalty grows. That is where culture changes.

And that is where real performance improvement begins.